I hate always planning things because everyone else is to lazy and self obsessed to do so. its making me sick, and making me wish i knew no one.
I look at myself in the mirror and try to think of ways to disappear. its hard. i want to, FIX it. Whatever this thing is that makes me less than human. i am the real selfish one.
three things i NEVER want to hear again because they're seriously counterproductive:
1.well your life could be worse. < - shut the fuck up. thats like telling someone their pain isnt real or worth grieving over, and if you believe that i worry for you
2. Why don't you just... <- making change seem easy and readily accessible. fuck you.
3. It happens to everyone... < - ya maybe it does, but personal circumstances can make what feels like a routine lot in life VERY painful. do your fucking social observations and grow up.
AMERICA. your positive talk makes me want to barf. kill. and slap you.
But me, icant stand to look at myself. all the mistakes. They'll never go away. i know i should not feel bad about my life because [so many others have it way worse].and besides i need to be punished, put in my place.
i have gone so far out of line.
I think about how i am constantly feeling disconnected.Im in the world,but im trapped in my mind.
If i didnt believe in punishments, i dont know where i would be.
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