we are the people thats come here to play

been obsessed with oz lately. But not just the wizard of oz. or oz like the emerald city. but 'oz' like the HBO show.

for thoes who may not understand WHY or HOW i could like a show like that just remember this: you don't own me :)

dear sweet funny urning brenda.

she gave up her woman down at the alter
and if she were "someone" i think you'd cry for her
and tracey was asking if we were her brothers
but we all said no.

tracey swore she'd take me to bed
but i buckled my belt where she combed the edge
she spoke of the church bells like they were the sin
calling the boys to get their appetites in.

and it pains me to figure i was never safe
being backhanded, a lasso around my waist
she strung me up and showed me around
so everyone would know she was 'down'.

and if she were my alice, i'd cut off her head.

ants in the underwear

I'm ready to move away.

Atlanta? California? New york? or New jersey? Coincidentally all places where they have taped the real housewives. oh ava, obsessed fan much? And i really am a fan. Im mostly a fan of ATL and New york. ATL is amazing because it showcases something that white america deliberatly tried to aviod - - wealth black men and women. welathy, not rich! Allen iverson is rich, the man who signs his paycheck is wealthy. see what im saying? There is nothing more refreshing then knowing that black americans can employ wealth, and keep in the family as white settlers have done for yrs. Hence there is an extreme divide between money in white communities and money in black communities. The bottom line is white people had a 400 yr start on acrewing wealth.

I'm headed to cambridge tonight with cathy, becca, and miranda to see meagan! so exciting. I love car rides and road trips. I made a really good mix playlist of everything i like. I trust myself with music. My taste is pheonmenal - - in all things media. I'm lucky that way.

Ugh. soo hot. summer came too late. & in just a few days i will be learning chinese. dig that.

Filth brought to the light.

So i spent this past weekend up in tenants harbor maine - obviously with miranda. Anyway with all the crazy weather that was happening we were able to go out to the 'roaring spout' for some great visuals. The waves were about 10 feet high. We had to stand very far back but didn't miss any of the sights. There were two other groups of people there doing the exact same thing. It's a popular spot, a short car ride from mir's house.

I've been feeling vry liberated lately. I feel like once i let go of some very negative things in my past there was a weight lifted. For the first time in two yrs i can imagine my life without thoes things. Even when they were hurting me i didn't exactly want to let go of them - or to push them out of my life. But i do feel very good and confident in the fact that i have a huge future ahead of me. And not only do i have my own furute to look forward to, but mirandas as well. She will be done with her masters this and year and then we're moving far away from NH! Thats such an exciting thing to think about. Starting a shared life with somone i love is one of the most beautiful changes i've made in my life.

im suddenly at a loss for words. keep well and keep reading.

p.s. can't get the album dilate off of repeat. over and over ani, over and over.

...and if you don't believe me you never really knew

...looks like i know where this is going and i might know how it ends, but I'm still willing to begin. -- MM

Lately, i have been OBSESSING over Mandy Moore's last two albums. I know most people think she is ridiculous - but i tell you, if you want to hear heartbreak, pain, suffering, release, transformation and forgiveness all in a single note pick up 'Wild Hope' (released June 2007). Even i was impressed by her writing and singing skills and I've been a fan since the beginning. I always believe in her talent, grace, and poise. When i met her back in 2007 i almost died! She was sitting in front of my chatting about how much she like my hair and smiling. MM..right in front of me? Yes, its a wonder i didn't try to shove her in my bag and calmly walk away. Say what you want about her, but it's guaranteed 99% ignorance and taking a cue from the general public. Advice: make your own conclusions, please?

Songs i would suggest to open Pandora's box (aka Mandy Moore's amazingness):
1. Wild hope - Wild hope
2. Most of me - Wild hope
3. Slummin' in paradise - Wild hope
4. Gardenia - Wild hope ( NO ONE can resist this, it's heartbreaking)
5. Ever Blue - Amanda Leigh
6. Have a little faith in me - Coverage
7. Merrimack Rive - Amanda Leigh
8. Mona lisas and Mad Hatters - Coverage
9. Song about home - Amanda Leigh
10. Breaking us in two - Coverage

Onward - - why do they insist on remaking perfectly constructed horror films from the 70's/80's? This has been a particular fad over the last 4 yrs. Some examples include , but are not limited to: Halloween, Friday the 13th, Black Christmas, Sorority Row, My Bloody Valentine, When a Stranger Calls, Prom Night, The Last House on The Left, Wicker Man, and The Hills have Eyes ( in this case there was even a sequel). I can't make any sense of this uprising. Although i can point out that this uprising coincidentally coincided with the collapsing of the economy. Now I'm no fool, i know that even saying the word "collapse" is misleading. But speaking in broad terms that is how the average American sees the issue. Hollywood knows this, and in a time of low morale a country needs horror. That is of course where the slasher film comes from. Horror films have been around a long time - - they date back as far as the 30's with films like Freaks and Frankenstein. I am not suggesting that the horror film was created in the 70's/80's but that it emerged as victorious during that time. People live off of the carnage. Hard times bring horror films. People want comfort, so they go to the movies, and they also want to watch someone have a worse experience then them. The movies is the perfect place for that. In the dark, hunched down in your seat, you can feel and experience emotions that are usually private. But in the movies you can be alone together - - group trauma. People want to be traumatized in groups - - if you're going to experience trauma why not have someone who was there with you? Someone who will always understand, but at a distance? Who can account for the same trauma and even explain how it effected them? It's back door mob mentality - going to a horror film i mean. I'm the kind of person that goes to see EVERY single horror film that comes out. So i know. I know what it means to sit in a theater, look around and realized i am one of two people this is not covering their face in fear. When i went with Miranda and Steve to see 'The Strangers' i began to realize how strange horror movie culture really is. First of all this movie freaked EVERYONE in the theater. Even i jumped a few times...well, once. Steve got so freaked his squeezed his coke until is exploded all over him and Miranda almost NEVER watched without looking through the slits between her fingers. As i looked around the theater i realized that myself and one other guy were not covering our faces. In an entire theater which usually seats over 50 people, only two were scared enough to NOT stop watching. I mean real or not, you've got to be pretty traumatized already to not flinch while watching someone be murdered on screen.

Pamela Barnes Ewing and Bobby Ewing.

Guess who?

Hot child in the City; i wish...

Ohmigod....it's so hot. We're having a bit of a heatwave i think. Since it's been raining ALL the time lately so i should be happy...i guess? But im' not, im just sweaty.

Today was a rough day for me. A lot of emotional peeling - - layer after layer. But it's all for good health.

It's nights like this i miss miranda. to hold me hand, or just laugh at me being silly. It's nice that i get a partner and a bestfriend in one. I love her, more than i could ever really express. It is so nice to finally be with someone who isn't ashamed of me - - so many people have been (and i think (sometimes) still are).

I'm supposed to go on a picnic tomorrow but i also have a list of films i'd like to watch.

- will and grace
- sex and the city. series or movie...it doesn't matter
- beaches. - i am a sucker for bette midler
- and most importantly halloween

i wish i wish i wish i was in that cool city air again.