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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

everyone knew

I finally got what I deserved today, apparently. I guess I thought my heart couldn’t break anymore. But it is. And I am. I am all those things Jen said. I am absolutely pathetic. Awful. Fake. Rude. Disgusting. Why do I keep punishing people this way? I feel like a coward – or maybe a burden. You cannot love someone like me. Not after what Jen said. I can’t receive love. I do not deserve love. I don’t think so anyway. I feel ruined. Like ill be isolated for days, weeks, months. She made me feel ashamed to be depressed. It makes wanting to die a lot easier to imagine. Thinking of myself in a box, buried, so I can never hurt anyone again – it frightens and soothes me. I think this is where I stand – now, and most likely, forever.
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