My computer crashed this week. I have been devastated by losing all my writing. that alone has been keeping me sad. So i THOUGHT i saved all my writing to my external hard drive, but oh no! nothing! i lost all my writing. my whole life. i feel like my heart is broken! I feel like something was taken from me. I will never get those words back. And all my play writing........gone. Things Ive been writing since i was 9 yrs old. I'm so upset i cant even think about my finals, or the fact that i have no money for rent. This is so inconvenient and horrible. My stomach is turning.
HOW could i have been so irresponsible? I hear my mothers voice, but my own as well. - wondering how i could be so careless. im usually smarter than that, but this just proves my absent mindedness....if i don't care to save my own writing who the fuck will care to read it?
Over. I have to start all over. and in a split second i think maybe this is good. rebirth? Am i not meant to have those words anymore? are they part of a me that is dying, dead? But that doesn't change the sadness, at all.
I'm really fighting against the universe. it wants me to start over, and i wouldn't. i wouldn't give up those things on my own. i needed a push, but this was not what i expected.
i'm just crying. i can't believe it....and still this happens right before finals. i am clearly cursed at this point.
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