Roman Polanski’s film ‘Rosemarys Baby’ (made in 1968) remains the single most indepth interrogation of motherhood and reproduction. Rosemary and her Husband Guy Woodhouse move into a beautifl new apartment in new york. Guy , a struggling actor, spends most of the film concerned about his career and the impending birth of his first child. Coincidentally, Rosemary is not a concern of his ; her womb however is.
What people seem to not realize is that i am my greatest enemy. There is no way anyone is more angry with me then i am. So all the sly comments are not needed, and anyway aren’t you supposed to be “truth”? Sounds like bullshit to me.I am so grateful for Olivia. The only level headed person to come out the mess that was my fake college friendships. Well fake is being fair - these people were vipers, I’ve never known such evil and hatred - more importantly i hope i never do again. Anyways - Olivia & i have an understanding. We’re matched in our fears and hopes. We both suffer from similar backgrounds - but allow each other some complexity. She is amazing. She sees through every ones bullshit just as much as i do. & plus she’s not so stupid as to take sides with someone based on a one sided story - and still try to call themselves righteous, “truth”, and most of all feminist?!?!? That’s a joke. More like white supremacists who happen to have vaginas.I spent a lot of the afternoon with James. It was nice. We were able to shift through the rise in guilt I’ve been feeling lately and he too had words that soothed me. He told me that it’s obvious i don’t need people who have no respect, manners, self reflection, or dignity. He told me that he watched me go through the initial phases and that i was not malicious. He told me he knew i was just trying to take care of myself and that only someone who was actually selfish would be against that. Good stuff. He also mentioned that he appreciated me.While patriarchy is the root of all evil and i cannot stress enough my investment in the status of women in this country - women are vipers. It is the feminist (like the ones I’ve had the displeasure to know) who give the movement a bad name. They are the ones who drive women who are “different” - straight, liberal, black, Latina, Asian, chubby, self reflexive, etc.- to the margins. It is women like them who set the standards for everyone else, but are always breaking them. They say sisterhood is real - what they really mean it is survival is dependent on your compliance with their mission and their mission only. No deviation from the path. Eternal submission. It’s sick. Glad I’m out of it and into reality where real people have real expectations - and not expectations spawned in the mind of a feminist militant who’s less than sane. In the end the men in my life are proving to be more accountable, responsible, respectful, and humbled than the women I’ve known.So: dinner with Susie tonight, then to olives, then i get to see Miranda. Today was tough, but i made it through. And what got me through were the friends that love me. & everyday will get a little easier…
