White horses gallop where I cannot.
They feed on a poison thing,
That thing is you.
They tear at you.
Bruising your flesh.
The same flesh I wished to love.
White horses drink what I cannot.
The boundless flow of your eyelashes.
The red and black glow of your sockets.
The river that flows between your legs.
White horses see what I cannot.
The truth of you and your glory.
The way all things dissolve slowly on your palms.
White horses are what I am not.
The ones who are worthy of you.
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Monday, June 22, 2009
48 hours after letting you go
Love. It dances.
Batters my torso and rips out my spinal cord.
Using it as a losso to capture my legs.
And as a finale it swallows what’s left of me.
My mortality. My reign. My indecision
It at once came apart – like snapping the neck of a whimpering victim.
Batters my torso and rips out my spinal cord.
Using it as a losso to capture my legs.
And as a finale it swallows what’s left of me.
My mortality. My reign. My indecision
It at once came apart – like snapping the neck of a whimpering victim.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
sticks and stones, please break my bones.
I guess i learned many things from this experience. One of them being do not delude yourself. Either you are worth something or not. There is no grey - no in between. I have a lot of feelings right now - mostly negative ones. Mostly I'm curious about the point of life, in all honesty. I guess I'm a victim. Yes, i make myself one. Unlike other people i do not possess the mental capacity to bounce back from a let down. I'm constantly being let down. No job, no money, eternal poverty, no friends, and no one to trust. It's pretty lonely. I'm really alone. I dont know where to turn or who to turn to. I am so lost.
Everyday is a struggle not to take that final act - now more than ever i think about it. I think about swallowing a bottle of pills and alcohol. I imagine to excessive release everyone would feel from my absence. I imagine the peace that would come of it. I imagine the evil that will be killed. The evil that is my entire soul. I imagine just being gone - - indefinately, on a long vacation. I will never feel again what i feel right now, and the price is more than fair. All i would have to do is give up. Give up the charade that i am normal - that i am desireable. That i could possibly provide healthy conditions for anyone - friend, partner, co worker, public citizen. It's all a joke. I believe i steal opportunity by standing here. I believe that i have not earned my place or freedom. I take from thoes who are entitled - - and it's time to give back.
Everyday is a struggle not to take that final act - now more than ever i think about it. I think about swallowing a bottle of pills and alcohol. I imagine to excessive release everyone would feel from my absence. I imagine the peace that would come of it. I imagine the evil that will be killed. The evil that is my entire soul. I imagine just being gone - - indefinately, on a long vacation. I will never feel again what i feel right now, and the price is more than fair. All i would have to do is give up. Give up the charade that i am normal - that i am desireable. That i could possibly provide healthy conditions for anyone - friend, partner, co worker, public citizen. It's all a joke. I believe i steal opportunity by standing here. I believe that i have not earned my place or freedom. I take from thoes who are entitled - - and it's time to give back.
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