Classical

I ask because im speechless
I ask you to move your hands
Up, Up, Up
Above my eyebrows
Not beneath my under the pink
My stomach pressed against the cold piano keys
Silence
Except, i think
im playing Mozart.

im a noisey little creep

What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things,
A memory remains, Just a tiny spark,
I give it all my oxygen, to let the flames begin,
So let the flames begin,

Ohhhh Glory.... Ohh Glory!

This is, how we'll dance when,
when they try to take us down,
This is what we'll be ohh glory.

Somewhere weakness is our strength,
And i'll die searching for it,
I can't let myself regret, such selfishness,
My pain I know the trouble caused, no matter how long,
I believe that there's hope,

buried beneath it all, and,
hiding beneath it all and,
growing beneath it all and...

This is, how we'll dance when,
when they try to take us down,
This is how we'll sing out...
This is, how we'll stand when,
when they burn our houses down,
This is what we'll be Oh Glory!

Reaching as I sink down into life.
Reaching as I sink down into life.

This is, how we dance when,
when they try to take us down,
This is how we'll sing out.
This is, how we'll stand when,
when they burn our houses down,
This is what we'll be Oh Glory!

- Paramore ( from their album 'Riot!', 2007)

will you accept?

Feeling very open and honest today. i want to kill tenstion. I've made some shitty mistakes in life, like everyone else, but i am confident that i can pull through. my intentions are good, but intent vs impact is tricky.

i am changing. slowly. gradually. and i can only hope those who actually care for me will hold out :)

much love, and keep reading.


p.s. i want so badly to right all my wrongs. seems like every time i try i ruin it. I'm hoping for another chance, but am comfortable accepting i may never get one.

we are the people thats come here to play

been obsessed with oz lately. But not just the wizard of oz. or oz like the emerald city. but 'oz' like the HBO show.

for thoes who may not understand WHY or HOW i could like a show like that just remember this: you don't own me :)

dear sweet funny urning brenda.

she gave up her woman down at the alter
and if she were "someone" i think you'd cry for her
and tracey was asking if we were her brothers
but we all said no.

tracey swore she'd take me to bed
but i buckled my belt where she combed the edge
she spoke of the church bells like they were the sin
calling the boys to get their appetites in.

and it pains me to figure i was never safe
being backhanded, a lasso around my waist
she strung me up and showed me around
so everyone would know she was 'down'.

and if she were my alice, i'd cut off her head.

ants in the underwear

I'm ready to move away.

Atlanta? California? New york? or New jersey? Coincidentally all places where they have taped the real housewives. oh ava, obsessed fan much? And i really am a fan. Im mostly a fan of ATL and New york. ATL is amazing because it showcases something that white america deliberatly tried to aviod - - wealth black men and women. welathy, not rich! Allen iverson is rich, the man who signs his paycheck is wealthy. see what im saying? There is nothing more refreshing then knowing that black americans can employ wealth, and keep in the family as white settlers have done for yrs. Hence there is an extreme divide between money in white communities and money in black communities. The bottom line is white people had a 400 yr start on acrewing wealth.

I'm headed to cambridge tonight with cathy, becca, and miranda to see meagan! so exciting. I love car rides and road trips. I made a really good mix playlist of everything i like. I trust myself with music. My taste is pheonmenal - - in all things media. I'm lucky that way.

Ugh. soo hot. summer came too late. & in just a few days i will be learning chinese. dig that.

Filth brought to the light.

So i spent this past weekend up in tenants harbor maine - obviously with miranda. Anyway with all the crazy weather that was happening we were able to go out to the 'roaring spout' for some great visuals. The waves were about 10 feet high. We had to stand very far back but didn't miss any of the sights. There were two other groups of people there doing the exact same thing. It's a popular spot, a short car ride from mir's house.

I've been feeling vry liberated lately. I feel like once i let go of some very negative things in my past there was a weight lifted. For the first time in two yrs i can imagine my life without thoes things. Even when they were hurting me i didn't exactly want to let go of them - or to push them out of my life. But i do feel very good and confident in the fact that i have a huge future ahead of me. And not only do i have my own furute to look forward to, but mirandas as well. She will be done with her masters this and year and then we're moving far away from NH! Thats such an exciting thing to think about. Starting a shared life with somone i love is one of the most beautiful changes i've made in my life.

im suddenly at a loss for words. keep well and keep reading.

p.s. can't get the album dilate off of repeat. over and over ani, over and over.