Miranda and i have been playing music together now for months. Maybe going on about 5 months. Sometimes we go to best buy and she plays the electric drums while i play like 800 rounds of wii. hahaha. Then sometimes we go into the practice rooms and mess around with the base guitars. & we try to write songs. I sing, comfortably. But i can only sing for Miranda and even thats hard sometimes. I want to be able to sing anytime, anyplace, i want to feel proud of my talent. And for me pride, when it's not keeping me from doing something, is completely unattainable.
i miss cathy and becca. They're away on a journey which i can't wait to hear about. They'll be back soon, im just antsy. I can't wait to take that kind of journey with miranda. By fall of 2010 we will be far away from here and i am so excited for that. Maybe cali, maybe NY. My best, john,is moving to brooklyn in about a month. He just sprung this on me yesterday at coffee. Stunned, but happy for him. Now i have somewhere to stay when things get rough. & im just happy for my friends. We all need to get out of here.
I think i closed to the door on all the negativity in my life. I can't make people love me and even more important i can't say i love them when im really just afraid of the end. Animotion said it best " I’ve been calling it love. Because i want u to stay. Calling it love, Say you’ll stay. Calling it love Cause i’m too scared to say....Let’s call it a day" - reallllygood 80's song. HUGE power ballad. download it, now!
gotta eat and do tarrot. plus, im writing today on "the serpent and the rainbow"."don't bury me, im not dead!" - oh bill pullman, what a famous line :)
