Popular Posts

  • dear sweet funny urning brenda.
    she gave up her woman down at the alter and if she were "someone" i think you'd cry for her and tracey was asking if we were h...
  • White cannibalism.!
    In 2003 a new edition of Equiano’s interesting narrative was released with a slight yet extremely significant difference: Rapper and entrepr...
  • he used you, he used your dead sister
    'will you take the needle off the table?" 'YES!' i do not want to die, but i do want to be killed. when i am feeling m...
  • i wish this had come to me faster.
    maybe the moral higher ground ain't as high as it seems maybe we are both good people done some bad things i just hope it was okay ...
  • Fear and loathing in newmarket
    I woke up today and suddelny became afraid again. What if the wrong person reads this? What if i 'friend' reads it but doesn't a...
  • The warrior garden
    the marigolds that grow out from under your finger nails really distract me. you force my head steady - but with a gentle cradle. there ar...
  • we were lovers...now we can't be friends
    when ever i need to smile.
  • Abigail
    Abigail, the monster in you is bleeding through your nose. eye. ears. mouth. and you are crawling towards me. long pencil like fingers scr...

Friday, January 22, 2010

2.5 years of my life

I have destroyed our life -Its gone. Payback is sick -its all my fault

I'm dancing with tears in my eyes, Just fighting To get through the night
I'm losing it (losing it) (losing it).With every move i die
I'm faded, I'm broken inside. I've wasted the love of my life
I'm losing it(losing it)(losing it)

well hello, Ke$ha... (so glad i came out the other side, but i'm grateful for a song that i can loose it too when things start to rehash themselves)
Posted by at No comments:

And now the party's over, and everybodys gone

Okay, so wow. First of all its 550 am. Once again NO SLEEP! Well i slept, but i never wake at a 'normal' hour or get the 'normal' amount of sleep. shitty.

But i am in disbelief right now. People are just so funny. All you can/should so is laugh when you find yourself in positions of discomfort. I am holding it together pretty nicely. Like, REALLY well. Sometimes you can only be pushed....until you can't.


the snow here has been so perfectly placed. the snow, as it turns out feeds me in a serious way. It makes me forget how i feel here, on earth, in newmarket, in the eyes of others. it makes me remember that we're small and so easily blanketed. i appreciate the feeling of smallness at times. I know that right now i am doing a lot of dangerous things - emotionally. Things that i have been advised against OVER and OVER. But it is not in my nature to listen. i have a hard time taking advice. i don't want to hinder any pain i may feel, because that pain could be my release. it could be the pain the guides me a-w-a-y from destruction. ill take that.


I saw something that disturbed me yesterday. and i cant stop thinking about it. it seems now the effect is on me. Just beginning to talk about it is making me see red on the screen. im not angry, but FUUUUUUUCK!

saying anymore would make me explode so - next topic?

oh, i saw my BEST Richie yesterday. he surprised me and stopped by. There is no on else in the world i love like i love that boy. he is absolutely wonderful. and mindful of me and my feelings. rare.rare. breed....of human. not man. He's coming by to take me to lunch on wednesday and im so excited.

i want to focus on the LOVE in my life. i want to able to knowledge it, eat it, swallow it, ingest it. I want to put all my energy there, and so i will.


i have been so weird, disturbed, rejected, and burned lately, but luckily I've been finding smiles - out in the snow.

Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)