Freedom, baby, is never having to say you're sorry

I watched 'the devils advocate' a few times this week. I was/am mesmerized by Charlize's performance as supportive wife turned mental mess. 

I saw so much of my own experience in this movie - in her. Her character had supported herself financially all her life, even after she married a promising up and coming lawyer. A lawyer who makes it his business to NEVER loose a case.  And whats interesting is upon first meeting the character of Marianne is that she is indifferent - specifically indifferent to the opening case of the film. A young girl accuses her math teacher of touching her inappropriately and even knowing his clients guilt Kevin tears the girl apart on the stand. Suggesting she made up the stories to cover up her other sexual conduct and hatred for a man who came down on her with an iron fist. After watching this outburst Marianne leans slightly into the close up of Kevin and simply says "pack it up baby, you need a drink".

We're almost introduced to Marianne as the opposite of the girl on the stand. She is not a liar, or needy, she doesn't need to lie for attention or sex. She is 'different' and we are SUPPOSED to see her as such. She's a down home sweet southern woman with a little kick and a lot of patients. And without question or reason she follows Kevin all the way to new york when he is offered an illusive job at the best law firm in the nation. She goes with him, blindly, uprooting her identity, dreams, and own hopes for the future. Suddenly she is plunged into a life of...well...excess.

And not just excess, but corruption. Not that there isn't corruption everywhere, but this is a MOVIE! and in THIS movie they constantly refer to NY as Babylon (hehehe, this Bostonian finds this amusing).

Once they get to NY Marianne is obviously the one out of place. She doesn't look chic or 5th ave - she looks like a working woman, maybe middle class, simple, plain....un-spoiled?This concept of being "un-spoiled" is laced throughout the film. For one thing...sex. Marianne's sexual behaviors, wants, desires, and acts are constantly being brought into the light, whether buried or not.

1. she is infertile. Not right from the start. She is quoted saying "[about Kevins mother] maybe i should give her some grand-kids so she'll leave me alone." But by the time they have been in NY for a while, she sees a doctor who tells her she has non specific ovarian failure.  And she has this out of body experience, where she sees herself leaving her body. IN her swank NY apt, that she "shares" with kevin, when he's around. She heards someone in her home and gets a knife to protect herself. When she finally sees whats what it is a baby boy sitting on the floor of her apt, who seems to be playing with something. Upon inspection she sees the child is playing with innards, human innards. She looks down and sees blood all over her WHITE nightgown - from here on out, she is infertile.

2. Al pacino's character rapes her, although its never shown. Kevin finds her naked, wrapped in a blanket in a near by church. When she says she was raped Kevin doesn't believe her because al pacino was in court with him all day (obvi at this point he doesnt know al pacino is supernatural).

3. When Kevin and her are having sex in their apt, he sees a woman from his office instead of his wife. A woman he fantasizes about. She is more sexually "experienced" - basically what men think of porn stars. Like " oh ya,she'll do anything i like. she likes it rough, tough, anywhere and everywhere. I can do whatever i want with her" kinda attitude - but the reality is he's with his wife and when she begins to feel his change we get amazing shots over kevins shoulder of marianne looking disgusted uttering "STOP!" and the woman from the office "enjoying" every moment of it. Another chance for the audience to realize marianne is constantly being separated from every other woman on screen.

But he doesn't take care of her, she continues to become more and more isolated. She continues to becoming more and more alone, despondent, and afraid. Until finally kevin admits her to a psychiatric hospital ( nd this triggers me, as it brings up my memories, of hospitals, strip searches, and forced meds...) when she slits her throat with a piece of broken mirror glass.

i feel so much for her, all the way through, but not more than when she kills herself. it is not pity or sadness i feel, but closeness. like i know the moment she was in, the room even looked similar to one I've seen before.