they found a bible by each victim - - suggesting the crimes were deliberate

I want to give back every moment I smiled. I want to erase all the times I was happy and laughing. I want to give them away, I want to forget them. I want everyone else to forget them. I don’t want people to think that I think I deserve to live. That I could think I was that special: to have interests, and favorites, and hobbies, and personal likes and dislikes, and skills. I do not want this. I don’t. I feel like I have to say things to make it in society, I don’t actually think im worth anything. It’s all an illusion. I don’t think im worth more than my suicide attempts, or molestation, or deeeeep depression, or disordered eating, or being slapped around, or ruining my relationships/friendships. I do not know what brainwashing I have gone through to make me believe those things. How did I get it in my head that I was allowed to smile and have joys? I lost it for a minute there, but now I understand. Minimum smiling & laughing. No joys. No more likes and dislikes. No more self definition period – definition is something you earn. I have done nothing in life to earn self definition.

what is wrong with me?

classsy portsmouth living

Sugar....it brings me sugar (a look at 'some like it hot')

Primarily comedies derive their effect from sexually suggestive or slapstick scenarios resulting from the central characters 'mistaken identity', that is, from the gap between the characters passing within the diegesis and the spectators privileged position of knowledge(knowing the characters are in drag). Fuelled by heterosexual imperatives, the narrative progresses towards the climactic disclosure of the characters true identity. However, the narration repeatedly reminds the spectator of the true identity by the transparency of their disguise, or the involuntary intrusion of an 'innate' gender. For many spectators films like this allow for a rare and radical space for gender and sexual ambiguity -- that is, for queerness-- in mainstream products. Barsam explains that “Screen acting is a kind of art, in which an actor uses imagination, intelligence, psychology, memory, vocal technique, facial expression, body language and an over knowledge of the filmmaking process to realize, under the director’s guidance, the character created by the screenwriter.” (LM 196) Lemon and Curtis embodied more than the character created by the screen writers, they paralleled comedic acting and gender acting, while exploring themes such as; homoeroticism, sexual and gender ambiguity. The film itself is a capsule for gender ambiguity and is a rare space for social critiques. Lemons character sees sugar for the first time when he himself is dressed as a woman. On one hand he is infatuated with her in this moment, however he also admires her. He wants to be her. It becomes clear at this moment his own gender expression is ambiguous. That he not only enjoys being a 'woman'(in terms of gender expression) but he also is sexually attracted to them, making his character queer. The ultimate moment where the film makes definitive statements about gender expression is the moment Lemon tells Curtis he's going to marry the wealthy old man. When asked why a man would want to marry another man his answer is simple: Security. That not only speaks to a critique about gender expression but of the institution of marriage in this country and how it is more about property and trade then it will ever be about love.

Fight the power (a look at 'Do the right thing')

This image of the two “circulates throughout the film, ending up as the single picture on the burned and “blackened” “Wall of Fame,” and it returns to close the film, following on the citations from the two leaders that Lee juxtaposes there without comment.” (Willis 790) 'Do the Right Thing', produced in 1989, is director Spike Lee's attempt to explore the human particularity of this system of binarisms (a principle of analysis requiring that a linguistic system, as a phonological, case, or semantic system, be represented as a set of binary oppositions)and the culturally entrepreneurial situation of the African-American subject within it. The film's use of the metonymic (A figure of speech in which one word or phrase is substituted for another with which it is closely associated) figures "King" and "X" as well as the ethically divergent meta-narratives, an abstract idea that is supposed to be a comprehensive explanation of historical experience or knowledge, of which they are the cultural signifiers suffuses its dramatic structure with the ideological tension generated by the trope of "double-consciousness."( in its contemporary sense, is a term coined by W. E. B. Du Bois to explain an identity that has been divided into several facets).The vehicle by which 'Do the Right Thing' represents the black community reminding itself, so to speak, of the presence of these figures is the ubiquitous Smiley, a young man with cerebral palsy who earns money selling photographs of African-American heroes to his Bed-Stuy neighbors. The film calls attention to one image in particular: the famous photograph of King and Malcolm shaking hands and smiling during their first and only meeting.

'Do the right thing' uses "gender dynamics, struggles around property rights and consumerism, and competing masculine postures.(FA 784)" as a point of origin for social commentary. The moral cosmology Radio Raheem narrates here is very compelling. In it, "good" is not only identifiable and absolute, but ultimately more powerful than "evil," which, correspondingly, is equally pure and clear. The faith and lucidity of this formulation are potent. Yet the film complicates Radio Raheem's vision with its depictions of his role in the confrontation at Sal's Famous Pizzeria and his murder at the hands of the police. It is not clear that Radio Raheem is purely "good"; according to the film, Radio Raheem, like the large majority of Black youth, is the victim of materialism and a misplaced sense of values. This critique, ironized as it is by Lee's highly visible and controversial promotion of various product lines (including his own) which vigorously target the young-African-American-male demographic, nonetheless identifies a salient feature of Raheem's characterization. And it is tragically obvious during the murder scene that "evil," at least in this particular match, is far stronger than Radio Raheem's "story of Life" implies.

heart attacks are crazy - he couldnt have a heart attack

There are civilizations that are considered to be the oldest form. 8,000 years old. So then we can conclude that political and judicial hierarchies have been in establishment for that long.

The 2001 feature film Donnie Darko showcases a scene where Donnie and Miss Pomeroy have an exchange where the discuss the rubric for declaring humanity and therefore being “cared” about.

Karen Pommeroy: This could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era...
Donnie: Why should we care?
Karen Pommeroy: Because the rabbits are us, Donnie.
Donnie: Why should I mourn for a rabbit like he was human?
Karen Pommeroy: Are you saying that the death of one species is less tragic than another?
Donnie: Of course. The rabbit's not like us. It has no... keen look at something in the mirror, it has no history books, no photographs, no knowledge of sorrow or regret... I mean, I'm sorry, Miss Pommeroy, don't get me wrong; y'know, I like rabbits and all. They're cute and they're horny. And if you're cute and you're horny, then you're probably happy, in that you don't know who you are and why you're even alive. And you just wanna' have sex, as many times as possible, before you die... I mean, I just don't see the point in crying over a dead rabbit! Y'know, who... who never even feared death to begin with.

Donnie questions why he should mourn for the rabbits since they’re not human. This illuminates the emotional gap between two “species” of people that have a history of one claiming humanity over the other. Since humans understand that they are special. They are human. Humans see themselves as being emotionally, intellectually, physically, psychological, and socially advanced over rabbits ( any species that has not contributed of the evolvement of the culture), and this according to Donnie makes your death less tragic. In order to see tragedy in someone’s life or death you must care, you must pity them, and therefore can only truly care about someone else you see as human.

Conclusion: Therefore Donnie is illustrating a contemporary American report on the racial climate. It is reiterating the main point : (Note: Check on origin of the slave trade in America) American slave trade begins in late 1600’s Meaning that since our, meaning American civilization, was started until 1492 White Skinned Americans have over 5992 years of “history books, photographs, and the knowledge of sorrow and regret,” making them authentically human. Therefore white skinned people have, in this country, an estimated 5992 years of well documented history over the African American. This is contextualized in an era when we still are seeing our first black leader - - the face of america. Black Americans are such a new development of species that we are still in an era where were are still at the beginning of our civilization. Because we as a representation of people have NOT been involved in creating the judicial, social, and historically background of the very country we know as home. Political leaders are an extension of royal families. The head, president, being a lingering descendant of an emperor. How? Because an emperor is the face if a country, of a civilization. White people have been the “emperors” since the beginning of civilization to now. Therefore white people have an established history and accurate representation of their evolution. Therefore if the only way to care for someone is to find them human, and to be human you must have histories/representation, black American people will never be human to American whites.


do you follow me? I dont know...sometimes i don't even follow me.

A work in progess

The Sandbox or The Tide Pool

Characters: Eve, Cara, Margret, Casey, Aaron, Leigh, Deandra

August 2007. A hospital room, silence, and the bed has streaks of a black substance all over it. There are silhouettes of feet kicking against the sterile white bed sheet. Pan to the eyes of a young girl who seems in distress, there are tears mixing with sweat in the corners of her eyes where her eye lashes rest. As the camera moves out we begin to see the makings of two other bodies in the room. One of which is a young girl about the same age as the lead character and the other wearing an ER nurses outfit. The girl is holding the lead characters arms down and pleading with her (still silent, this is all happening without sound); the ER nurse is forcing the lead character to drink something out of a Styrofoam cup. After the cup is empty the lead girls face is revealed with thick black liquid draining down the corners of her mouth. She then idly falls back on to the bed and falls asleep. Fade to black and the title of the film “The Sandbox” sits in the screen in all white writing. Back to the hospital room. Shot of the IV in her arm and suddenly she speaks.

Eve – (staring at the ceiling, presumably talking to herself) it was only 25, only 25 this time.

(Shot of Dee sitting across the room in an obviously uncomfortable chair, she goes over to the bed and looks directly down at eve with a look of guilt)

Dee – I need to pay for parking. I need to go…

Eve- Take my debit card. (Dee gets the card and is making her way out of the door, as she reaches the door eve speaks) Don’t give it to my mom ok? I don’t want her to know where I am.

Dee- Your mom? I’m going to the front desk.

Eve- Just stay away from my mom

Dee takes a long look at eve and finally agrees. She leaves the room and eve is alone with her cell phone, which is dying, a denim skit, a red and black zip-up, and flip flops. She begins watching TV until she is interrupted by a young woman who works at the hospital. She comes in wearing a bright orange 3 quarter length sleeve shirt, black capris, and sandals. She asks to speak with eve.

Social worker – (pronounces last name as frank co-is) Eve François?

Eve – It’s pronounced Fran- sis….

Social worker – Sorry. (silence while the woman takes a seat and gives eve the once over) I need to interview you.

As interview begins the camera does a 360 around the hospital room. Eve stays stoic and does not directly respond to anything being told to her. Then finally speaks up, as the camera continues to revolve.

Eve – my body will go wherever I tell it to.

The camera continues to revolve, morphing from eve in the hospital room to eve on the sidewalk in the snow.

Winter 2007. Scene opens with mid shot of the main character Eve standing in the falling snow. She is taking deep breaths and looking from side to side, waiting to cross the street. The camera then moves behind her and shows the building she is going to. Then she darts across the street and into an apartment building. As she moves towards the stairs her phone rings. She is apprehensive but eventually pulls it out of her pocket. She stares at it for a moment before finally picking up.

Eve – (pressing the answer button but initially sitting in silence, and then speaking) Hello Aaron.

(Fade to black and then camera focuses on one tiny leaf on the ground. Suddenly a stiletto heal comes bounding into the shot; crushing the leaf. Converse shoes anxiously enter the shot & leave. Pan up to Cara walking furiously and Eve power- walking after her screaming)

Eve – Cara! (running towards the camera)

Cara – (barely acknowledging eve) I have class Evey, I can’t talk.

Eve – That leaf! (Pointing behind her)

Cara – (not turning to look at her) What leaf? (Then stopping cold and turning to eve, pressing her hand to her shoulder blade) Is this about Aaron?

Eve – (disgusted) What? No. (Cara, disappointed, begins walking again with her back to eve. Eve walks behind her) This is about that leaf you just crushed (Eve stops walking right in front of the camera. Cara keeps walking and yells something back at eve by speaking over her)

Cara – …Then I am disinterested evey. Until you talk about Aaron, men, manhood I’m just not interested!

Eve – (catching up to Cara) Not interested? That’s nice. When is the last time I saw you again?

Cara – (stops walking in order to turn and touch eve on both shoulders) Evey, I know you had a rough summer. The last time I saw you, you looked happy. I still don’t understand.

Eve – (shifting her weight and fidgeting around) I don’t. Understand I mean. I just know that going back isn’t an option. You look pretty.

Cara – (turning and beginning to walk away, then turning and walking backwards) Cheer up Evey, its fall (pause) you like fall (Turing back around and walking forward)

Cara disappears into the mass of college students. Eve, watching her disappear, stands for a moment aimless and despondent. She then exits frame from the left. Eve is walking around trying not to be seen. As she is walking she spaces out and accidently bumps into a young man. He has very dark hair and dark eyes with olive skin. He’s unattractive conventionally but attractive to her. When they bump into each other he almost knocks her off her feet because he is running so fast. He drops all of his books and beings to pick them up and apologize to her. He’s looking down however and does not recognize her.

Eve – (staring at him as he picks up his things from the concrete, then finally speaking) Hello Aaron.

Aaron – (stops what he is doing and freezes for a moment with some books in his hands and his knees in the concrete. Then he slowly looks up) Evey?

Eve – (interrupting him) Eve. Don’t call me Evey, you can’t call me that.

Aaron – Eve.

Eve – (staring down at him with her arms folded) What? (She then walks away leaving him to follow her)

Aaron – (speed walking behind eve as she’s walking away) I didn’t hear from you all summer, then I call you and you won’t even speak to me

Eve – (still not turning around) I did speak

Aaron – you barley said anything, you said hello that’s it.

Eve – I thought that was enough

Aaron – Where were you?

Eve – Connecticut, Boston, New York

Aaron – You hate the Yankees

Eve – You’re right, I hate you

Aaron – Talk to me…

Eve – (stopping in her tracks and turning around, almost knocking Aaron over) I don’t owe you words! (Staring at him for a moment) Don’t you even remember the last time we saw each other? (They stare at each other and say nothing) I have to go. (Eve begins to walk away but then turns around to say something) You know, you’re so dim. There’s so little light. I’m making no sense. Must have been all the pills. (Aaron attempts to interrupt her, but she stops him) Don’t. Don’t. (pause) Go away Aaron. Go blind. Pretend you didn’t see me. Just go. (Eve walks away from him, leaving him in the middle of the road holding his books. Camera moves out and away from his face until it becomes a full length shot)

To our lady gaga-- forever and ever amen

Note: this is a lyrical remix to the song "paparazzi". The lady and myself have the same birthday so i wrote this to encapsulate the wonderful beauty of an Aries woman.


We are the rams
And we’re head-butting out
Right into your speaker
Right onto your dance floor – it’s so divine
You know we wet your appetites

Our dance moves are free
Lights a fire inside
We’ve got dreams for earrings - dangling next to spot lights in our eyes
Diamonds and pearls line our thighs
We’ve got nothing to hide

We’re the statuettes posing just for curiosity
We’re march, we’re march babies
Social circle paranoia cause we’re just too classy
We’re march, we’re march babies

Taking reign on the dance floor
Every single move makes for couture.
Social circle paranoia cause we’re just too classy
We’re march, we’re march babies


Transmission are clear, you can’t get enough
We’re the first in the house
& you won’t be the same
We’re organically made
Sirens in action and in name

We’re assertive as fuck
Get out of our way
Listen up – and obey
We wear sunglasses in the shade, to protect you from our icy gaze
We give back what we take


We’re the statuettes posing just for curiosity
We’re march, we’re march babies
Social circle paranoia cause we’re just too classy
We’re march, we’re march babies

Taking reign on the dance floor
Every single move makes for couture.
Social circle paranoia cause we’re just too classy
We’re march, we’re march babies

So sexy, we dance on the chandeliers
Accept us and jealousy will disappear
Mystified and part of the sublime
We’re crazy, but we have a good time!
We’re the statuettes posing just for curiosity
We’re march, we’re march babies
Social circle paranoia cause we’re just too classy
We’re march, we’re march babies

Taking reign on the dance floor
Every single move makes for couture.
Social circle paranoia cause we’re just too classy
We’re march, we’re march babies